A little over 8 years ago I took a walk without my pack. To walk without my dogs is a rare thing and a sure sign that I have something on my mind. After a mile or so I found a spot by the side of one of our countries largest rivers. I squeezed my way through the undergrowth on the upper bank and found a spot beneath the trees where I could observe the river and wait for the sun to set. The volume of water passing by me was staggering and I sat watching it listening to the gentle wind ruffle the leaves overhead.In my mind I was struggling to bring myself to this incredible spot. I had worked hard over many years to gain a respected position within a company. I enjoyed working with the people within the company and I felt appreciated. I was also beginning to enjoy having a little money and the possibility of promotion, however I had also experienced first hand the disgusting aspects of corporate life, not within the company itself but with their clients.
The delegation of powers down the clients structure was clear, they were utterly obsessed with deadlines and money. The shareholders drove the thirst for money and the managers and underlings beneath them were concerned with little more than becoming shareholders themselves and putting forward a show that would demonstrate to them the lengths they would go to in order to protect the money invested. Even if that involved lies and discrediting those who were working to create something for them.
I watched the rivers constant passing as the sun set and realised that I needed to make a change. The money from the job was welcome and appreciated, but not worth the personal cost. With my choice made I relaxed into the river bank, took in the scene and began to put together ideas for a life that would give me other choices. Freedom was still a long way off, but I could still aspire to it.
I went back to college to earn a degree so I could find a position which would pay well and help me (a single mother, recovering from domestic violence) take care of my 2 sons. I spent much time away from them working to make money, then working and going to school, so I could try to support a mythical lifestyle. You know, the one where I could balance working and raising my boys.
ReplyDeleteAt the university, I learned a valuable lesson: I didn't want it. I didn't want to spend 2/3 of my day greasing someone else's wheels, when my children needed me to be with them.
I'm still working it out. It isn't easy, often, I'm broke. But, the thought of going back to the grind makes me ill. I quit my last 9-5 job this summer. Right now, it's 'lean times', yet my boys are not in want of essentials.
I leapt joyously, and knowingly, from the frying pan into the fire. Days on this rock are short, I shall not waste another.
Your an inspiration Darla! Its never easy finding your own way but I find you have to look at what is important and not what is often expected. I will look forward to reading your blog and seeing more of your work. I hope that every small successful step you take leads to another. Until you have a journey that goes beyond you best expectation.
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